Complicating Love – Chapter 7

TL: Single TL Translations

Chapter 7

Three weeks later. We’ve been in constant contact since then and from exactly a week ago, all contact stopped. For her, this is unusual. She’s probably very busy with work. Before contact broke off, Aoi told me that a big job was coming up soon, so she won’t be able to contact me that much. Since she said that, this probably means that she hasn’t become sick or anything like that.

While we haven’t had a long relationship, I think I know her quite well. After talking on the bed that day, Aoi has acted more spoiled, became lonelier easier and frequently contacted me. At the start of the call, she would always sound so happy, but when I try to end it, she becomes lonely and sad, it becomes hard for me to end the call. But, since, as always, she conveys to me her feelings, I feel like it’s fine and continue to pamper her.

That day was a Saturday, and as I finished work early, I decided to relax at home with leisure. I was with Tooru and went to the bar where the mom* we talked about before worked and was forced to drink a bunch, so I’m thinking of refraining from drinking once again. I don’t want to throw up on the side of the street again, plus I’ve been told by Aoi to be careful.

*if you forgot, mom of the bar – what they call the bar proprietress in Japan (usually used for girls or gay effeminate guys)

I heated up the bathtub since it’s been a while and after soaking in for a decent amount of time, I returned to my room along with a missed call notification from Aoi. I looked at the time the call came while drying my hair and saw it was exactly 30 minutes ago. I called her while thinking she wouldn’t answer, but contrary to what I thought, she immediately picked up.

“Ah, hello?”

“Hey, Aoi. It’s been a while, sorry, I was taking a bath.”

“No, it’s fine, sorry for not being able to contact you at all. I had a lot going on and was a little busy…”

Though I said it’s been a while, it was only a week, I felt like her voice held a little tiredness in it. That was unexpected for Aoi.

“I’m fine. Rather is your body okay, Aoi? Are you forcing yourself?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s tiring but I’m doing okay. …And with that, about the plan to go out next week, I need to work that day, so I can’t go…  sorry. Even though I was looking forward to it and we planned it together.”

She sounded so sad it seemed like she would cry, so I panickily replied to her in hopes to calm her down. The one who would be troubled by her crying is me.

“Alright, it’s okay. There’s no helping it if it’s work, is there? It’ll be fine if we go on another day as well. I’m fine so don’t feel so sad.”

“Okay, but really, I’m sorry. I’m still busy with work so we might have to plan it for a little later. If you want to meet, then…”

“That sort of thing, it’s not as though we won’t ever meet, I also wanted to meet you, but there’s no helping it.”

I tried saying it gently as to persuade her, but she kept replying with a ‘yeah’ in a depressing tone, so while thinking of about what to do she asked

“Yuki, how were you recently?”

in a reserved tone. I thought for a little and though it was the same as always and boring, I still reported it to her.

“Normal? Rather, it’s the same as always. Work’s been the same and I collapsed at the bar I recently went to, it was awful. You see, the mom over there is really strong with alcohol and she kept saying ‘drink drink’ and continuously poured alcohol for me so I got carried away and kept drinking it and…”

“That, did you go with the person we met at the bar last time?”

She cut me off with a slightly strong tone. I wonder what happened? I felt puzzled.

“Uh yeah, that’s right. The one from last time, I went with Tooru.”

I’ve been trying to be careful ever since Aoi talked to me on the bed. I don’t want to her feel uncomfortable or have any bad experiences, my heart hurt from looking at her cry that much. That’s why although I talk about what happens, I don’t go too in depth about it and also don’t reveal the names of my friends either. However, I try to the best of my abilities to tell her about it if she asks me. From that day onwards, Aoi hasn’t said anything about feeling uncomfortable or being jealous, so I felt at ease, but she seems odd today.

Was this something I shouldn’t have said? I felt a little nervous near the phone’s microphone.

“I see. …Was is it fun?”

“Yeah. It was fun. Well, I’ve been thinking of drinking in moderation from now on, though.”

“That’s right. It’ll be awful if you drink too much and sleep on the side of the road.”

“It’ll be fine, because if that happens, Aoi, you’ll help me.”

“Me? Geez… give me a break. I’ve had enough of a drunkard.”

I felt relieved when I heard her giggle, though I couldn’t see her face so there was no way for me to confirm this. But it might be better to end the call, since she said she’s busy with work and seems tired. And she may seem somewhat odd because of work. After thinking about it, I said with the same tone as always.

“It’s a joke. Hey, Aoi, are you finished with work for the day?”

“Yeah, I was able to finish it early today… I wanted to talk with you, Yuki, so I called.”

“…I see.”

 She said something cute so the conversation I was trying to end sadly didn’t. Her reason for calling was to cancel our plans, so it’s nothing we’ll talk about for a long time. What should I do, I’m fine talking, but she’s busy and above all, she seems tired. This girl has a side of her that tries her hardest to get along with others.

“Yuki?”

“Hm? What is it?”

“You were quiet, so I wondered what happened.”

It’s probably because I’m usually the one talking about different topics. I answered appropriately.

“Hmm? It’s nothing. Leaving that aside, did you eat the cookies from last time? It was good, wasn’t it?”

“Ahh, yeah! It was really good. I guess they’re a pretty famous brand. I’ve also used the towel right away too. Thank you.”

“Yep, I’m glad you liked them. I was wondering if you didn’t like them by any chance, so I’m glad, phew.”

“There’s no way that’ll happen… hey, Yuki, will you come and stay over again? I can’t finish the riddle mystery game we played last time…”

She explained it using excuses like a child. I smiled when I imagined her with an uneasy face she’s probably making right now.

“Okay. I also wanted to play, so I’ll stay over again. But is it okay if I stay over that often?”

“Yeah! It’s fine! It’s completely fine don’t worry about it. If it’s you, Yuki, then you’re welcome anytime. In the first place, I’m always by myself, so there’s no problem.”

“Okay okay, but, well, let’s do it when your job settles down, alright?”

“Oh, yeah. Until then… we can’t meet though.”

She overtly became low in spirits and since I can’t see her face, I said in an even gentler tone.

“Since you’ve finished work earlier than usual and we’ve talked a little, you should hurry up and sleep. You have work tomorrow too, right?”

“Huh? …Yeah, I have work tomorrow too.”

“I see, then you should quickly go to sleep. I’ve said this before, but if you’re ever tired or busy then you don’t need to force yourself to contact me. It’s not like our relationship will end if you don’t contact me, it also seems like you’re a bit tired today, Aoi…”

“… I don’t want to…”

She’s usually reluctant or sulks, but ultimately agrees, so I was a bit surprised she didn’t listen. I continued further by speaking even gentler because I thought Aoi would nod if I did.

“But you’re tired, right? You were so busy you couldn’t contact me, so if you’re able finish early, you should hurry up and rest…”

“I don’t want to!!”

I was stunned by Aoi raising her voice for the first time. I guess choosing to use the same tone and words wasn’t a good idea. She continued with a strong tone.

“While it’s true I’m tired, it doesn’t mean I’m forcing myself to call you. Even though I called you because I was lonely and wanted to talk to you… you keep saying ‘don’t force yourself,’ that’s all you’re saying!! …Yuki, aren’t you… the one saying that because you don’t want to talk to me?!”

“That’s not true. I thought it was hard on you because you were busy with work…”

“You’re saying it again… stop being considerate about it! Isn’t being busy with work the same with everyone? While it’s true that I became a little busy, I’m fine. Why are you trying to be so considerate as though it’s an illness? …If you don’t want to talk to me than you should just say so!”

I was surprised as this was the first time she was furious and kept talking. Though it’s as clear as daylight what would happen even if I were to say something, I had to say something, so I was thinking about what to say until I heard a snivel. To her snivel, I immediately collected myself and realized that I made her have another bitter experience.

“… But you hate it in reality… aren’t you forcing yourself to go along with me?! …Because you think I’m needy and annoying, right?”

My heart tightened at Aoi shouting in anger while crying. She was still worried about that. Even though that’s not the case. I need to refute it. To think I forced her to say such a thing, because of this I said near the end in a stronger tone

“There’s no way that’s true! Aoi, calm down*. Although it’s true that I was being too considerate to you, Aoi, but it was because I was truly worried and…”

*TL Note to Yuki – never say calm down to someone who’s clearly agitated. It won’t help.

“I’ve had enough! Stop it!! I don’t want to hear it!! No more!!”

“Aoi…”

Aoi softly inhaled and quietly muttered.

“I won’t… bother you anymore.”

“Huh?”

I couldn’t hide my shock. What is she saying? I couldn’t speak because I had trouble comprehending what she said.

“I won’t… bother you anymore. That’s it.”

“Huh? What… are you saying? Aoi? Aoi?”

She forcefully ended the call, ending the conversation. All that remained was guilt, regret, and the idea of how to talk to Aoi once again. I have no intention of ending our relationship with this.

Aoi was crying. That was a good enough reason. It was obvious that if I didn’t do something, this will end. I don’t want that.

She probably said things she didn’t mean, but the part where she thought I was forcing myself to go along with her was most likely something she’s always thought. She hesitated for a moment before saying it.

I truly have difficulty understanding her. Although she honestly conveys her feelings to me, she probably doesn’t want to tell me about her dirty emotions and unpleasant thoughts. Even though I told her to tell me about it, she skillfully hides it, possibly because she doesn’t want to be hated by me.

That’s all there is to it.

However, she couldn’t properly tell me, so she became anxious. I recalled the words she told me when we were talking on the bed. ‘Don’t hate me.’ Those words are stuck to my mind and won’t separate. Whether it’s from a strong complex or something that happened in the past, I can’t leave her alone, plus I also want to be next to her as much as possible.

I look at the time. I won’t be able to get on the train at this time and even if I went, she wouldn’t be in a calm and collected state I could meet. I looked back on the previous calls and messages I had with Aoi.

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